I, along with several other people attended the class last Saturday on Living with Awareness. Before I left home, my younger son had excitedly asked me what class I was attending. I’d said it was a class by my Bach Flowers Teacher, and I was going to learn more ways to help myself and everyone at home.
The class actually started with me wondering about what the workshop was all about. During the initial explanation on how the class can empower us to handle life situations, you asked someone to share a recent incident that has caused stress.
Not really looking for answers, but curious to see where this might lead, I was the person who shared my worry over misplacing a receipt from the laundry service where my husband’s expensive suit was given. I did not exaggerate. This suit was more expensive than my wedding sari and wedding reception sari combined!! Why we had to spend so much money on a suit was a thought that crossed my mind, but right then I had to find the receipt or forever I would feel terrible about my carelessness.
You told me to accept the anxiety and release it. And release it slowly, I did. The remaining worry and fear also left me little by little after you correctly helped me to recognise that those negative emotions were attached to the value I placed on the item, the desire to own, and my worry that I will be seen as a careless person by my husband. I released them all, and felt strangely empty.
I knew things were not going to happen on their own, and knew I would be going back to searching for it again. However, this time I would not be driven by fear or be so stressed that I would be annoyed at my kids for nothing.
The rest of the class was interesting, and when the workshop ended, I stopped to run some errands. Around 5pm, I was headed back home when I saw the Red Roses Laundry shop to my right. I decided I had to be bold and ask if they would give it with an ID proof or just convince them with my description. At the very least, I wanted to tell them to hold on to it, and not give to anyone who comes with a receipt.
I had to drive further to make a U-turn, and sensing my anxiety and doubts, I put what I had learnt in the class to full use. I recognised the thoughts, accepted them and released them over and over again. I went a little further and imagined a situation where I am flatly denied, then accepted that disappointment and disillusionment and released it. Going even further, I envisioned a situation where I get what I want, accepted that happy thought and released the feeling of excitement, and elation that I would feel after such an event. I repeatedly accepted and released until I was at the shop’s doorstep.
I went up to the man there, and said, “I’d given my husband’s expensive suit and now I’ve misplaced the receipt. He has an important meeting to attend. I can get you photocopy of my voter’s ID, and proof of address… what should I do?” To this the man said, “Nothing. Just tell me what colour it is.”
I clearly remember accepting the good news, but feeling no strong emotions – just breathing a lot easier! Then, he went to search after enquiring if I’d given anything else with it. I said no, while I gave him the suit’s description, approximate date it was given etc. After less than 10 minutes, he emerged from his store-room, showed me my husband’s suit and said, “You said no, but you’d also given a lady’s top with this. Here it is.” I looked at the simple white top that had been gifted by a friend. This one had a value that only memories could give, and no money could match.
I left the shop thanking the man wholeheartedly, and thanking you too Naran, for everything. The exercise I’d done to release the happiness after success worked wonderfully. I went back home and calmly presented the suit to my husband. He thought I’d found the receipt. I said no. He asked if I’d convinced the shop after giving IDs. I said no.
I said, “I told you I was going to learn ways to help everyone at home. I used what I learnt today to handle this situation.”
My husband was amazed, and made me tell him all about the class later. I did, and am grateful for the class for all that I learnt.
I have a BIG list of “shoulds”
“I should get up from the bed very early in the morning”
“I should keep the house clean”
“I should avoid sweets” (a classic example)
This is a list that contains items that we desire to do, but unable to do.
Why can’t we implement them
Whenever we want to do something, and if we don’t, then there is some resistance inside us. Though, interestingly we always find the reasons outside us, for not doing them. For example, the classic reason we give for any major setback in life is, “My family is not supporting me doing anything concrete in life”. Sometimes we say, “My family commitments don’t allow me to take up music as my hobby”.
How we developed this internal resistance
We learnt this resistance from our childhood days. Whenever our parents want us to do something, we resisted it. When our parents asked us to study, we pretended that we are studying. When they told us not to do something, we did it without their knowledge. This childhood behaviour became part of us, as internal resistance.
Mind Working in Opposite Directions
Our Life is dominated by two divisions that are inside our mind. One is the Parental Ego – our desires stem from here, and the other one the rebellion is our Child Ego.
There is always a conflict between the Parent Ego and the Child Ego. Desires coming from the Parent Ego are resisted by the Child Ego. This results in non-fulfilment of our desires.
This is like pressing acceleration and applying breaks at the same time. Why don’t we realise this? It’s because our desire is conscious, while the resistance is unconscious.
- “I am working hard but not making money” – something in me is resisting making money. If I release that resistance, then making money is a piece of cake.
- “I want to reduce my weight” – one part desires to be slim, while another part resists by eating all junk stuff.
How do I manage these two forces working in opposite direction
Let us take the example of not making enough money.
1. You are also resisting the present state. You are not able to accept your present state, for example, the fact that you are poor or overweight. Accept your present by affirming,
“I accept myself totally”
“I accept myself even though I am poor (or overweight)”
2. We should be aware of the two forces opposite to each other inside us.
“I want abundance of money” – is the desire. What’s the feeling behind lack of money? Welcome this feeling and release it. Release every feeling associated with lack of money. Affirm,
“I accept my lack of money”. Then start accepting the feelings and thoughts associated with it.
“I accept my feelings of shamefulness”
“I release my feeling of shamefulness”
“I release the thought, I can’t make money”
Then release your internal resistance.
“I release my resistance to earn ___________”.
3. Resistance means opposition. Therefore, affirm,
“I release my own opposition to making millions”
(When we see opposition outside us, we see nothing but our own opposition)
Do tapping while affirming the above for better results. Should it be done routinely? For better results, do it regularly or as soon as we get those feelings again.
Nobody is blocking us. The block is only inside us.
RULE: Act Different
(Based on NLP)
Gita works in a garment industry.
She had to place an order for 100 meters of Blue cloth and 1000 meters of white. Instead she placed an order for 1000 meters of Blue and 100 meters of White. Using this combination, she would not be able to execute her production work. The material will be unusable, resulting in loss of money for her company. May be she will lose her job too.
She realized her mistake when she reached her home only. By then it was late night and the supplier would not take any change in order over the phone. She had to do it over the internet.
She called Naran S. Balakumar next day at 7 in the morning. He told her to do the following:
- Count the no of flowers – white and red flowers, on her way to office. She had to stop at every office building where there are flowers, count them – White and Red, and put the counts in a piece of paper.
- Call Balakumar as soon as she reaches her office, but before entering the office and give him the counts. (This step was to stop her accessing her computer as soon as she enters her office and thus change her expected behaviour pattern.) The reason being: when you Change your Routine Habitual Actions, you will get Different Results and not the expected ones.
She did so. After she gave him the counts, she checked up her mail box.
Surprisingly she had received a mail from the supplier. He had mentioned in the mail that it looks like that the order is not as per standing instructions given to them. Therefore he wanted to confirm whether he can execute the order or not.
By changing her action pattern (called as Breaking the Pattern in NLP), Gita could save her job as well as stopping her company from incurring loss and get a bad reputation with their client.
Rule: Total Acceptance
I Hate Vegetables
Meera aged twelve, doesn’t fancy vegetables in any form and fruits as well. She wanted to change he diet pattern.
Shobana taught her EFT informally and gave her the affirmation, “Even though I don’t like to eat vegetables and fruits, I choose to accept myself totally”.
Within three days of tapping on herself, Meera could comfortably start eating vegetables and fruits.
Sleepless in Chennai
Venu was doing his last year in an Engineering College. So he had a many a late night preparations for the final year exam and the project as well.
He didn’t mind going to sleep late, though he found it difficult to sleep well.
He will be lying in bed for an hour or two, before he can go into a sleep. In addition, he was getting few nightmares too. Therefore, when he gets up in the morning, he was feeling tired and restless.
Accept Myself Totally
After hearing about Meera from Shobana, he affirmed the following while tapping on him:
“Even though I am not happy about my progress in my studies, I choose to accept myself totally”.
“Even though I feel as a looser, I choose to accept myself totally”.
He started sleeping well.
He is continuing this approach for other problems as well. He find as long as he can accept himself in a situation, he is able to handle the situation comfortably.
“I choose to accept myself totally” – what does that mean.
It means we accept ‘My feelings’, ‘My Thoughts’ and ‘My Life Situations’ as ‘Myself’ indicates all of them.
The energy stream produced among them can thus be settled amicably.
When you accept, what happens to the mind – which is the creator of all emotions and thoughts?
When you don’t observe the thoughts or emotions, they will dominate you. Then you are led by the mind.
You will behave in the same way as you behaved in a similar situation from the past. Thus, one becomes a Robot.
When you affirm, “I accept myself totally”, the mind is baffled because it didn’t not expect any observation from you.
When you go on accepting the thoughts and emotions as they arise, they cannot stay in the same energy pool. Thus it won’t be able to sustain the old thinking cum action pattern.
New Choice New Behaviour
They just die down (get released) and you become free. When you become free, you have a new choice. You can wait for events to unfold in a different way.
Accepting is nothing but changing the path of mind. Therefore, it can access a neural path and a new behavior is elicited.