Your spouse may not react if you do the following…He will simply accept whatever you do…
Saroja: I feel guilty.
Saroja: For the last 12 months I have been saving Rs.100/ to present a watch to my brother. I have to give that without my husband knowing it. My conscience pricks that I am doing something wrong.
Naran: Welcome the guilt feeling and release it.
- I welcome this terrible guilt. I release this guilt.
Naran: Is it still there?
Saroja: Yes. More than guilt, fear is there.
Naran: What are the thoughts in your state of fear?
Saroja: If he comes to know I will be doomed. This thought is obsessing me.
Naran: Fearing something means unconsciously or secretly means that we want this to happen. Do you want your life to be doomed by your husband?
Naran: Then accept it and release it.
- I release my wanting to be doomed.
Saroja: Sir, my fear is, if he comes to know, he will abuse me. I will be not allowed to see my parents and brother.
- I accept that I want to be physically abused by my husband. I let go of this fear.
- In addition, I let go of my desire to be abused by my husband.
- I want to stop meeting my parents. I accept this desire and let go of my desire to stop meeting my parents.
- I release my state of insecurity because I am safe.
Saroja: I feel better. I feel comfortable.
Naran: Why do you want to present a watch to your brother on his birth day?
Saroja: I am happy to see him happy.
Naran: How do you know that your gift will make him happy?
Saroja: He does not have one.
Naran: Your gift will make him love you better.
Saroja: Yes. I want to feel loved by him. I need his love.
Naran: Accept your need and desire for his love and release.
- I accept that I need his love and there is desire for his approval. I release my desire for his approval.
Will you be ready to tell your husband about this?
Naran: Release again you insecurity.
Saroja: There still some fear.
- I release my insecurity.
Saroja: Instead of him coming to know about this, I think rather it is better for me to tell him.
On the day of the incident, she describes in her own words
My fear started increasing. There was tension in the stomach.
- I accept there is tension in the stomach. I release my tension in the stomach.
My body was becoming heavy.
- I accept my body is becoming heavy. I release the heaviness.
I am ok now.
- I accept that I am ok. I release this okay feeling.
- Will he shout at me if I tell him about the watch gift? Let go, let go.
Silence for a few seconds.
- I can’t face his eyes. Let go, let go.
Some more silence.
- How do I tell him? Let go, let go.
Silence again. I gave the cup of coffee to my husband. My hands become cold.
- I accept my hands had become cold. I release the cold sensation in my hands.
My hands shivered.
- I accept that I am shivering and I release this shivering sensation.
- I release my state of insecurity (I repeat this affirmation few times).
Suddenly all my fears were gone and I became curious to know how he will react when I tell him about the watch gift. After taking the coffee, suddenly my husband asked me, “Your brother phoned up. It seems every year you buy him a gift. He asked me to remind you. What is your plan for this year?” “I am planning to buy him a watch”.
Lot of happiness joy enthusiasm fills me up.
- I accept that I am joyful. I release my joy.
“That is a good idea. We will buy one. “I told him easily, “I have already saved Rs.1200/- towards that“. “Fantastic, then we will buy the watch today itself”.
When I went inside to change my dress there was joy and happiness.
- I accept I am joyful. Can I release this joyful state? Yes. I release my state of joy. I release my happiness.
When I released my feelings of joy, an aura of peace was there, which can’t be described in words.
Your “Living with Awareness” class was very good. I felt that your questionnaire on money had a good amount of healing techniques behind it.
On Monday, I received two calls; one was from a client in Chennai and another one from a friend in Mumbai. Both are related to audits. Both of them called me up to find out what (my) name should be there on the cheque(s) they are about to send.
The total cheque amount is for Rs. 70,000/-. In both the cases, I have not put in much energy or time. I have seen the files in the system and simply approved it.
What I’m trying to emphasise is that money can come from new avenues as well as totally unexpected ones. In fact, we were all saying that “money does not grow in trees” etc. These incidents prove it may not be true after all.
– Mrs. Sasikala Ravivenkatesan
A Sample Lesson on how to handle your life issues
Naran: Welcome this mental state.
1. I welcome this feeling.
Naran: Can you release this feeling of being small?
2. I release the feeling of looking small.
Naran: What happens when he criticizes you? Do you think that your husband is trying to control you?
3. I release the belief that my husband is trying to control me.
Naran: What is your reaction when he criticizes you?
Raji: Inwardly, I just criticize and wanting to resist him.
Naran: What is the criticism?
Raji: Idiot! You never understand me. You need to be tortured in your office and so on.
Welcome these thoughts and release them.
4. I release the thought “You never understand me.” I release the thought, “You need to be tortured.”
5. I welcome that I resist him.
6. I let go of wanting to resist him.
Naran: Resisting means you want to change the person. Welcome and release the desire to control or change him.
7. I welcome my desire to control him.
8. I release my desire to change him.
Naran: Can you accept him as he is?
Naran: Then release this desire to change him again.
Raji: My anger is terrible. I cannot go further. I am stuck up.
9. Welcome it and release it.
Naran: If you hold on to this anger, you will have same situations repeated differently on different days. Because what you focus will invite the same energy and thus same situations. You can say the following and find out whether you can go further deep:
“This is how God has made him. I need not correct God”.
“I just allow him to be as he is. Let me be also as I am”.
Naran: What else did you feel when the person is around you?
Raji: I feel insecure and feel threatened.
Welcome this feeling.
10. I welcome that I feel unsafe and insecure.
11. I release the feeling of insecurity. I release my wanting to have more security.
Naran: Repeat and see what happens. Are you feeling safe now? Why should you feel threatened and unsafe? Just ponder over this question.
May be, you feel safe to some extent. Then do the releasing again. If you still feel unsafe, you are intimating to the other person you are powerless. This will further increase the fearful events. Repeat the releasing till you feel safe or till you get a sense of well being.
Raji: When my husband or anybody criticizes me unnecessarily I feel I am rejected; I am insulted.
Naran: That means you have a desire for his approval.
Raji: Yes. I always do things to please him. I am careful not to make him angry. All my actions are there to please him or to escape from his disapproval.
Naran: Welcome your desire for approval and release.
12. I welcome this desire for approval.
13. I release this desire for approval.
Raji leaves Naran with a feeling of calm and composure. That’s the advantage of doing living with awareness exercises. It leaves you with a sense of bliss and gives you a renewed strength and confidence to handle your problems.
Rule: Increase Your Self-esteem by Working with Others
- You can learn a lot by observing people.
- Learn to understand your existing relationships – with your family members, friends, and relatives.
- Move with them closely, express and communicate with love as if you were meeting them for the first time and as though this would be the last time you are going to meet them.
- Contribute something to them lovingly. Help them in any manner you can. It need not be financial.
This will boost your self confidence and enthusiasm. Normally one feels confident and enthusiastic only after getting the job. Now, you are acquiring this state before getting the job. This will also make you a better person. You will also learn how to relate to your colleagues and superiors when you move to your future workplace.
When you are ready to learn anything new, then this period would become a period of relaxation, instead of a period of frustration.
Different Parts of the Mind
The Questioning Part of the Mind
Thoughts are negative or positive as classified by us. Whenever mind raises a doubt about a given situation treat it as a question. How do I do that? For example, a thought may come to you. “Am I capable? Can I do this?” Don’t feel sad about this. Treat this as a question by one part of the mind. One part of the mind wants to know that. So that part of the mind puts a question. Provide an answer it, as if you answer to a person, in front of you.
The Answering Part of the Mind
Mind works by parts. One part of your mind genuinely asks the question, keeping your welfare in mind. Instead of worrying about the questioning part, just answer that question. Then mind will ask stop raising doubts. Answering is done by another part.
We Can Make Our Life Situations Positive
If you raise yourself spiritually, everything will become positive around you. No unwanted thoughts can come in front of Ramana Maharishi – the great sage of Arunachala. Even a thief will keep his habitual self of robbing others quiet. Like that we could also influence the situations around us.
Negative Situations Begs you, “Please heal me!”
If you feel negative vibes around you, the message to you from it is, “please heal me”. If you can heal it, heal. On the contrary if you are afraid of it, then move out of the situation. Try to heal the negative vibes by calling the Sun God, and ask it to clear it. The negative vibes will turn into love and light and bless us in turn.
God is inside us – a gentle reminder to you
When somebody is angry it shows that he needs healing and he is asking for it indirectly. Somebody may ask it directly. Instead of thinking of why they are behaving negatively, ask inside yourself what you can do to them. What are the lessons we can learn from the situation. We can’t change the circumstances and people around, we can only change ourselves. Why we are asked to change? So as to remind us that god is inside us. Then automatically we become the god and we will have the power to heal.
I have a BIG list of “shoulds”
“I should get up from the bed very early in the morning”
“I should keep the house clean”
“I should avoid sweets” (a classic example)
This is a list that contains items that we desire to do, but unable to do.
Why can’t we implement them
Whenever we want to do something, and if we don’t, then there is some resistance inside us. Though, interestingly we always find the reasons outside us, for not doing them. For example, the classic reason we give for any major setback in life is, “My family is not supporting me doing anything concrete in life”. Sometimes we say, “My family commitments don’t allow me to take up music as my hobby”.
How we developed this internal resistance
We learnt this resistance from our childhood days. Whenever our parents want us to do something, we resisted it. When our parents asked us to study, we pretended that we are studying. When they told us not to do something, we did it without their knowledge. This childhood behaviour became part of us, as internal resistance.
Mind Working in Opposite Directions
Our Life is dominated by two divisions that are inside our mind. One is the Parental Ego – our desires stem from here, and the other one the rebellion is our Child Ego.
There is always a conflict between the Parent Ego and the Child Ego. Desires coming from the Parent Ego are resisted by the Child Ego. This results in non-fulfilment of our desires.
This is like pressing acceleration and applying breaks at the same time. Why don’t we realise this? It’s because our desire is conscious, while the resistance is unconscious.
- “I am working hard but not making money” – something in me is resisting making money. If I release that resistance, then making money is a piece of cake.
- “I want to reduce my weight” – one part desires to be slim, while another part resists by eating all junk stuff.
How do I manage these two forces working in opposite direction
Let us take the example of not making enough money.
1. You are also resisting the present state. You are not able to accept your present state, for example, the fact that you are poor or overweight. Accept your present by affirming,
“I accept myself totally”
“I accept myself even though I am poor (or overweight)”
2. We should be aware of the two forces opposite to each other inside us.
“I want abundance of money” – is the desire. What’s the feeling behind lack of money? Welcome this feeling and release it. Release every feeling associated with lack of money. Affirm,
“I accept my lack of money”. Then start accepting the feelings and thoughts associated with it.
“I accept my feelings of shamefulness”
“I release my feeling of shamefulness”
“I release the thought, I can’t make money”
Then release your internal resistance.
“I release my resistance to earn ___________”.
3. Resistance means opposition. Therefore, affirm,
“I release my own opposition to making millions”
(When we see opposition outside us, we see nothing but our own opposition)
Do tapping while affirming the above for better results. Should it be done routinely? For better results, do it regularly or as soon as we get those feelings again.
Nobody is blocking us. The block is only inside us.
RULE: Act Different
(Based on NLP)
Gita works in a garment industry.
She had to place an order for 100 meters of Blue cloth and 1000 meters of white. Instead she placed an order for 1000 meters of Blue and 100 meters of White. Using this combination, she would not be able to execute her production work. The material will be unusable, resulting in loss of money for her company. May be she will lose her job too.
She realized her mistake when she reached her home only. By then it was late night and the supplier would not take any change in order over the phone. She had to do it over the internet.
She called Naran S. Balakumar next day at 7 in the morning. He told her to do the following:
- Count the no of flowers – white and red flowers, on her way to office. She had to stop at every office building where there are flowers, count them – White and Red, and put the counts in a piece of paper.
- Call Balakumar as soon as she reaches her office, but before entering the office and give him the counts. (This step was to stop her accessing her computer as soon as she enters her office and thus change her expected behaviour pattern.) The reason being: when you Change your Routine Habitual Actions, you will get Different Results and not the expected ones.
She did so. After she gave him the counts, she checked up her mail box.
Surprisingly she had received a mail from the supplier. He had mentioned in the mail that it looks like that the order is not as per standing instructions given to them. Therefore he wanted to confirm whether he can execute the order or not.
By changing her action pattern (called as Breaking the Pattern in NLP), Gita could save her job as well as stopping her company from incurring loss and get a bad reputation with their client.
Rule: Total Acceptance
I Hate Vegetables
Meera aged twelve, doesn’t fancy vegetables in any form and fruits as well. She wanted to change he diet pattern.
Shobana taught her EFT informally and gave her the affirmation, “Even though I don’t like to eat vegetables and fruits, I choose to accept myself totally”.
Within three days of tapping on herself, Meera could comfortably start eating vegetables and fruits.
Sleepless in Chennai
Venu was doing his last year in an Engineering College. So he had a many a late night preparations for the final year exam and the project as well.
He didn’t mind going to sleep late, though he found it difficult to sleep well.
He will be lying in bed for an hour or two, before he can go into a sleep. In addition, he was getting few nightmares too. Therefore, when he gets up in the morning, he was feeling tired and restless.
Accept Myself Totally
After hearing about Meera from Shobana, he affirmed the following while tapping on him:
“Even though I am not happy about my progress in my studies, I choose to accept myself totally”.
“Even though I feel as a looser, I choose to accept myself totally”.
He started sleeping well.
He is continuing this approach for other problems as well. He find as long as he can accept himself in a situation, he is able to handle the situation comfortably.
“I choose to accept myself totally” – what does that mean.
It means we accept ‘My feelings’, ‘My Thoughts’ and ‘My Life Situations’ as ‘Myself’ indicates all of them.
The energy stream produced among them can thus be settled amicably.
When you accept, what happens to the mind – which is the creator of all emotions and thoughts?
When you don’t observe the thoughts or emotions, they will dominate you. Then you are led by the mind.
You will behave in the same way as you behaved in a similar situation from the past. Thus, one becomes a Robot.
When you affirm, “I accept myself totally”, the mind is baffled because it didn’t not expect any observation from you.
When you go on accepting the thoughts and emotions as they arise, they cannot stay in the same energy pool. Thus it won’t be able to sustain the old thinking cum action pattern.
New Choice New Behaviour
They just die down (get released) and you become free. When you become free, you have a new choice. You can wait for events to unfold in a different way.
Accepting is nothing but changing the path of mind. Therefore, it can access a neural path and a new behavior is elicited.